03/02/2010

Very strange dream. But had to do a lot with me trying to play three different types of music at the same time, and trying to use my father's old turn table...then all of a sudden I was walking home, in Nigeria, I knew it was home, although the house did not look like the one I grew up in. I could see my mum in the kitchen cooking, and then I saw my dad too. He had no shirt on, and was wearing shorts and he was cooking beside my mum. My mum said "Daddy is back". I forced myself to wake up.

My father died some years ago and to say the truth, that is when my problems with sleep and insomnia started. For months, right after his death, I would dream of him almost every night. I started dreading going to sleep because it meant being confronted with that fact. I was in denial for many months after he died...

I am an expert in forcing myself to wake up when I want. It does not matter how intense my dreams are, if I really want to, I force myself out of it.

In real life, my father would never go shirtless at home, he was a very neat person and always liked looking smart. He used to cook for us during weekends so I am not surprised by his being in the kitchen...

Anyway, I don't like thinking about my father because it still makes me sad and upset.