13. nov. 2010

Strange dream. I was on a bus to visit my friend because I was not feeling okay and needed to talk. On the bus, I kept seeing her at the opposite end but I was not sure it was her so we just kept staring at ourselves. Got off the bus and suddenly my real friend is there. She says she will not have time to talk and she is sorry, but she needs to sleep cos she has to wake up early the next day, or something like that. I got very sad and disappointed and started walking home. It was dark and I was a bit afraid. I was walking on a sort of bridge, very reminiscint of a bridge that was nearby my former residence. There, there were guys in suits chasing each other. Some sort of "bachelors night" kind of guys. They did not seem dangerous, but at the last minute, I got scared and decided not to walk down the dark part. All of a sudden, I am in my apartment. I decide to take a shower cos I feel sad. Then, some Mongolian guy appears. I don't know how I know he is Mongolian but somehow, I do. He asks me how I am and I ask him if he can help me fix my curtains. He fixes my curtains and all of a sudden, I realize that he likes me. I remember all the small talks we have on the corridors and when I see him here and there. I ask him to stay. He says he is busy but he will come back later. I feel better knowing he will come back. I decide to take a shower. It feels like I am living in a hostel or something. Somebody had poured water in my perfume. I tell a girl that the perfume was from my mother. The girl is somenone I knew when I was in boarding house in Nigeria. She was not even a friend. She was a sister of a girl that used to come to my room often. Weird. Anyway, I talk to her a bit and we talk about people sabotaging our stuff, etc.

I have no idea where the scenes started or ended. I woke up feeling normal. No panic or anything.

Gosh! I know what this is all about! Yesterday, during the day, I phoned two of my friends cos I needed to talk and none of them answered their phones. I was a bit sad and I think I called back twice or so but still, they never took my calls. They both called back later in the day, at night. But then, I was already sleeping. I heard the phone ringing and probably thought it would be one of them, but I decided that I will not take the call. Some sort of revenge, for them not answering my calls. However, the friend that appeared in my dream is my closest friend and I had not called her yesterday, so its weird that she should be the one in it. As for that bridge, I had some pretty rough times when I lived near it so that could just be a symbol for what I am going through now. The men in coats, I have no idea. I hate all men at the moment and I am always afraid in the dark. End of analysis.

11, nov, 2010

I had the teeth dream again! But this was a terrible one. Normally, when I have the "teeth dream" its just one teeth that is loose in my mouth. This time, however, they were about 6 or 7 teeth that just crumbled in my mouth. It was terrible. At first, I used my tongue to check in my mouth and it was just one, so I was happy but then, all of a sudden, I felt others in my mouth just crumble and fall about all over the place!

I woke up in a panic!

Lots of meanings and I qualify for them all. Anxiety? Check. Powerlessness? Check. Not satisfied with appearance? Loss of control? Life at standstill? Check. check check. I am the prime candidate for all the different meanings.

9, nov, 2010

Last night, I woke up three times cos of the motions my legs made in my dreams. Everytime I was about to stumble or stumbled in my dream, I physically did the same motions with my legs and the jerking of my legs woke me up.


This has been happening quite frequently in the last couple of months. These "jerky" leg movements. I just read that dreaming about stumbling in dreams means I am feeling a bit unsure about my way in life right now... which will be true, I guess.

22, Oct , 2010

Weirdest dream ever. I was in some sort of "Lord the rings" kind of city. With big gates. It was really strange. But strangest of all, I had a goat with me on a leash, but the goat acted like a dog. Anyway, There was a huge street leading up to the gate and on both sides of the street, people sold stuff. Medieval stuff. And two guys who were escorting me were giving me advice and instructions on what to do when I get out. I was trying to persuade them to come with me but they insisted on not leaving the gate. They directed me to an inn on the other side of the gate but they could not guarantee my safety there either. Then they said good bye. On the way, the goat decided to drink some water by some sort of water fall where lots of young children were having picnics and playing. The goat also rolled himself in their towels/blankets before I could drag him away, so he had two extra blankets on him. We had gone quite a distance before the girls caught up with us but they were on the other side of the road. They wanted their blankets back. So I took it off the goat and had to cross the extremely busy street to give it to them. I crossed, gave them the blankets and was just about to cross back when I woke up...

Woke up thinking about the goat...how weird!

13th oct 2010

Dreamt my ex boss phoned me and begged me to come back to work.

Woke up feeling good.


Usch! my constant worrying over my last job...

12th Oct, 2010

Travelled with some friends and my new boyfriend to the United States for some conference or something. I attended mine first so I got to leave earlier with my friends. He was supposed to join me after a while. He phoned my friend instead to say that he had decided to stay on illegally in the States. My friend was pissed and tried to hide the news from me but I eventually found out. Funny enough, I was completely nonchalant about the whole thing.

I woke up feeling okay.

I suppose this must be a dream manifestation of my constant battle with my inability to trust men at the moment. I have met many new people recently but I have a nonchalant attitide that many consider a bit too self destructive.

Weird...

Been having too many weird dreams that are hard to recount. I did not sleep the whole night yesterday and now I am at work, drugged up on coffee...

NOTE

I have noticed that on the nights I use sleeping pills or any sort of medication, I do not dream at all. Also, if I do dream, I never remember them. I really try not to use them (pills) but some nights, I have to. My job requires 100% concentration and some nights, I need to be guaranteed at least 7 hours sleep (which seems to be the highest I can get to) so that I can do my job properly the next day. My battle with sleep continues....

26/3/10

I was going around with someone. Don't remember who, but it was a man. I can't figure out what our relationship was. Was he my boyfriend or just a friend? I have no clue. Or perhaps someone I liked, a date or something. We were going through stores and I was looking at furniture. Stuff that I like. He was iriitated with me. He thought everything was weird. He was really out of place in the shops. They looked like second hand shops. I was excited about looking through stuff but could not enjoy myself or be myself cos I kept worrying about him. I kept stopping myself from admiring stuff cos I was afraid he would think I am weird. Then all of a sudden, I am at another scene. I have no idea how one dream ended and another began, but this seemed to be a totally different dream. I was with one of the kids (work) and in a tough situation in public since the kid was having an episode. I was trying my best to stabilise the situation but knew that it might spiral out of control at any moment.



I woke up just as things were getting hectic.



I recently went on a date with a guy who totally freaked out cos I took down a poster from a street corner. He thought that was "morally wrong" and I did not have any problem using stuff that is put up illegally, if I might add, for my own projects. It turned out to be a huge argument with him thinking that I was weird or whatever. The usual. So I think the first dream might just be my subconcious showing my fears....I was seriously bothered about his reaction. It was really very hard for me to get back to the whole dating scene, and that happened. It just shut me down.



As for work, its always in my head.

24/3/10

I was sent to Japan as a spy. I have no idea which country sent me. I got in a group of young people. The guy who was my contact was in that group. Nobody else knew about why I was in the country. A girl in the group became my friend and she showed me all the stuff I was supposed to do as a foriegner. Apparently Japan has very strict laws concerning foriegners. I had to write a letter anytime I moved house or location, about why I was there, and then get it stamped. I did that immediately and I put it in the opening page of my notebook. Then we all went on a journey, I have no idea where we were going but my contact, who was also a foriegner was also in the car. There were check points all over, and my new friend kept disturbing me about my stamped letter, wondering if I had it with me, where it was , etc. She was worried that we will be stopped and I would need to show it. During the journey, I wrote a note to my contact about something. He read it and then instead of tearing it, he just crumpled it and threw it on the seat opposite. I got into a huge panic, retrieved the note and tore it up in pieces. Everybody in the car noticed and started wondering what was in the note that made me get into such a panic. I started crying. My contact immediately reached over and started kissing me and saying he was sorry, etc, so everybody thought we were having a lover's tiff or something. His kissing went over to some serious smooching. Just as it was heaviest, we are stopped at a check point. We are told to get out of the car and taken to different interrogation rooms. Just as they lead my friend away, she tells me to write a new letter if I cant find the old one. I start writing a new letter but a soldier woman comes in and says its too late for that. I tell her I have the old one with me. She says its too late, I start crying. I cry so hard that my eyes begin to hurt, and one of my eyes becomes so bad that I am unable to open it. She takes pity on me and asks me to bring the old one. I go to the room where they have laid out all my stuff. There are three notebooks and they all look the same. I start looking in them in a panic. I remember that the letter was in the first page. I can not find it in any of the books. I start panicking, my eyes ache, the closed eye is worse now. The woman just keeps standing over me. I tell her I cant find the letter, I am now seriosuly panicking....





I forced myself to wake up. All that stress...in a dream, gosh! I just could not take it.

23/3/10

Dreamt I made a huge lunch for a group of people who had come for my friend's wedding the day before. I do not remember much of the wedding but I remember that my friend was very drunk and I was helping her adjust her wedding gown and making sure she was dressed properly. I remember also thinking that her bride's maid sucked seriously at her duty. It was a very rowdy wedding and everybody was drunk. Anyway, so now it was lunch, the next day and I made the lunch. Chicken and something. The group pf people were obviously "our" friends, ( but in real life, I really do not know any of them. They are people I have only seen on TV, artists, writers, actors, etc. Tv people). They complimented me on my cooking. Someone said the only thing missing in the chicken was "basil". Then we all went down to the shop, supposedly to buy more alcohol. The shop was not yet opened.

While we stood outside, my friend, (the bride), met us up with another group of people. Then we all started walking somewhere. I have no idea where they were going. I and the bride thought we were off to get ice cream but when we turned the corner to the ice cream shop, they were not in there. They just kept walking. The large group was walking in front of us, and I was behind, with the bride. We were walking fast but the group in front were a rowdy bunch and walked even faster. We had no idea where they were going.

I woke up by myself.

17/3/2010

I have not been able to write down my dreams the moment I wake up like I should. I wake up feeling really really tired and even if I always think I'd write them down later in the day, I often forget my dreams by mid day. I have to be better. Tmrw, I will be better.

20/02/10

It was a very weird dream. I am so sorry I did not write everything down as soon as I woke up. In summary : Was in a restaurant with some friends waiting for food that never arrived. We waited and waited, and anytime we made up our minds to leave, the (yep, now I remember, it was a thai restaurant run by three ladies. An old woman and two young girls), the old lady would tell us that the food was on its way that very minute, so we'd sit down again.

I can not tell you how many times this happened...it felt like we were waiting there night after night. Finally, we had enough and decided that no matter what she said, we'd walk out the door. We walked out and just as were were entering the car, the old lady and her two waitresses ran out with bowls of food telling us to stop....I can still see them, the three of them running with the food towards us....somebody wanted us to get out the car, but I was adamant that we should just go.

As the car started, they began to curse us and taunt us with the food...(in their language) saying how good the food was, we should take a sniff, etc...It was all so primitive and uncomfortable. I forced myself to wake up.

Gosh!

16/2/2010

Dreamt of my father again. Did not write it as I woke up so now I cant remember what it was all about...

Woke up feeling tired...

03/02/2010

Very strange dream. But had to do a lot with me trying to play three different types of music at the same time, and trying to use my father's old turn table...then all of a sudden I was walking home, in Nigeria, I knew it was home, although the house did not look like the one I grew up in. I could see my mum in the kitchen cooking, and then I saw my dad too. He had no shirt on, and was wearing shorts and he was cooking beside my mum. My mum said "Daddy is back". I forced myself to wake up.

My father died some years ago and to say the truth, that is when my problems with sleep and insomnia started. For months, right after his death, I would dream of him almost every night. I started dreading going to sleep because it meant being confronted with that fact. I was in denial for many months after he died...

I am an expert in forcing myself to wake up when I want. It does not matter how intense my dreams are, if I really want to, I force myself out of it.

In real life, my father would never go shirtless at home, he was a very neat person and always liked looking smart. He used to cook for us during weekends so I am not surprised by his being in the kitchen...

Anyway, I don't like thinking about my father because it still makes me sad and upset.

2/02/2010

Slept through out the night the day before yesterday. By "through out", I mean from 3 o'clock, which is really pretty good. Yesterday I slept by 1 and woke up by 6. I was so proud of myself. I did not dream about anything. Woke up hungry.

29th January 2010

Woke up exhausted.

I remember only that I had missed the wedding of my friend . On my invitation, it had been written 4 o'clock for some reason. I arrived only for the reception with my family in tow. My friend seems to be pissed at me. And I also thought her wedding suit was quite drab. I did not see any familiar faces at the wedding. She was questioning her brides maids about the whole I.V mix up when I woke up.

A once good friend of mine is getting married in March but I am not involved in any of the activities. Anyway, her brother recently mailed me, wanting to know if I'll be there since I have not been in touch with either of them for ages now.

However, my eyes hurt and are red, It feels like I must have been crying for some reason. I feel very tired.

28th Janaury 2010

I had many dreams intertwined, will try to make sense of the two I remember.

I dreamt about models and a runway show and one of the models retiring so the others had bought her a gift. Also, there was a model with a very beautiful face that nobody liked for some reason. Not because she was a bad person, but apparently, the way she walked on the catwalk gave off very bad energy. I saw the way she walked, she looked quite inhumane and unnatural. But after the show, she was quite sweet. There was music and lots of other things going on but I really do do remember what my own role there was.

I dreamt about my ex, my very first boyfriend who I have not seen in years. I was with him when I was 18 so thats like 13 years ago. Well, apparently, he had come to visit me and all my family was around. (This particular guy was quite intimate with my family in real life, cos not only was he a neighbour, but he was a good friend of my brother's, his sister was my best friend, our families were friends as well, etc, so I guess it was natural that my family was also around)

He had some strange huge suitcase with him. He said it was his car that was in it. He opened it, and inside was a kind of like "transformer" like car. He started fixing the parts one by one, and behold, it became a car. (I always have science fiction stuff in my dreams). We all gathered around as he explained how to get all the parts fixed. It was apparent that we were together, it was just like it used to be. We were all over each other, but the funny part was nobody had said so. It just was.


I think I dreamt about the model stuff cos right before I went to bed, I had been to Linda Ikeji's blog where she had written a bit about her modelling career. For some reason, I felt sorry for her and perhaps a bit of pity...

As for the ex, I have not seen him in years, but I did talk to him during Christmas cos I met his sister in London. Perhaps thats just manifesting in in my dreams, now?

Abeg, I no know.

27th January 2010

I did not remember much today even though I know I dreamt about lots of stuff. I only remembered the ending....but I was not unhappy or sad so I don't think it was a bad dream.



I tell a co worker of mine that I really enjoyed the club we had all gone to ( one of our colluegues had recently quit and we had a send off party/drinking at that particular club in real life) some time a go. He says in that case, I should get ready cos he will take me there next saturday by 9'oclock.



Then I woke up. Nothing woke me up. I woke up by myself.



In real life, that particular co-worker is a friend and we recently went to the movies together and had a very nice evening.

26th January 2010

I was in a taxi with a young guy who I supposedly knew quite well in the dream. In real life, I have no idea who this person is. We were in a taxi going home, our luggage in the trunk of the taxi. The taxi driver is young as well, blonde hair, I dont think anything of him. He puts on music, I don't remember what kind of music it is now, but in the dream I thought it was funny that he would have such music. I say in English to my companion, "he must be drunk"....all of a sudden, the car pulls into an open space, it could have been in front of a huge library or museum or anything. But one of those huge European buildings with lots of stairs in front, and pillars.

We are getting out, my companion says "he understands English". I say "oh, oh, I did not know he understands English" which is obviously a lie, because everybody in this country can speak and understand English. I feel remorseful. When the car stops, the taxi driver takes off his shirt, and his back and arms are filled with tatoos. He does not say anything to us. Instead, a tall man with baggy jeans hung down real low, opens the trunk and starts removing our stuff. There are two bags there, and a rolled up carpet. I ask my companion if the carpet is his as well, and he says yes. When the man in the baggy jeans turns around, my companion points to the man's pocket. There is a gun in there. I am very scared already and I feel like we are in a very dangerous situation.

All of a sudden the man grabs the carpet, rolls it out, takes out the gun, and starts walking towards a group of young Kids, teenagers, hanging out by the stairs. I know immediately, that he is going to shooot one of them, so I start running away from the car and at the same time screaming . Everybody then notices him and starts running in all directions. I look back for a moment, the man seems a bit confused but then he sees me and seems to have decided to come after me. The chase begins.

I keep running and looking back, and he keeps advancing with the gun. All of a sudden, i notice he is working with another small man who keeps pointing him in whatever direction I take. I am frantic by this time, and I have no idea what to do, even if I keep screaming "help" as I run, and the city is full of people, cars, bicycles, nobody seems to be seeing me, or him. I finally climb up one of those wide european fences...I dont even know if it can be called a fence, but its wide enough for me to walk on.

I jump from fence to fence, and the man keeps chasing me. I even jump a couple of time over roads underneath, almost falling but making it to the next fence. All of a sudden, I see two young workers on the fence as well. They have been working, repairing something, and for the first time, it seems they can actually see and hear me. They stop at a distance and I run up to them saying "help, help, he is going to kill me". They look behind me and there is nobody. One the guys does not seem keen to help. The other is hesitant but he finally comes over to my side of the fence. He says there is no one behind me and I should come down from the fence. I say the small man is probably there in the corner waiting for me to get down. He looks and says there is no one. I also look. The two men are not there. He holds my hand and helps me down. I say I need to get to a police station, he says there is one around the corner and he will take me there.

For some reason, I don't really trust him. It crosses my mind that he might not understand how serious the situation is and if he does not know where the police station is, then I will be seriously screwed. I ask him again if he is sure there is a police station, and he says yes. I decide to take my chance with him. We start walking towards a street, by the side is a school of nursing. We know this, because in my dream, a voice over comes on saying " Here is where young nurses are trained to become ER nurses, etc"). As we pass, a young nurse asks someone who is obviously her supervisor, "can i meet him at the gate?" Then she meets a grieving husband at the gate. She leads him by the hand to a building which seems to have many small metal windows, like ice compartments. She raises one of the lids, and there we see a very beaufitul woman, frozen in her expression. Her hand was raised as if saying goodbye. I realize that the building is a modern day mortuary, perhaps. I and the young worker continue working towards our goal, where, I am not really sure.

The sound of the music from my television woke me up. What a dream!

Here is also something about being chased in dreams